OK,OK,OK..it's not OK.

I held it together until we got to the car. I break down thinking, Okay God, I know you are in control and I am trying to figure this out, but why? All I heard was Trisomy 18. During the appointment I felt like I was there, but not really there. Tim was silent until I asked what are we going to do. All he said was pray. I called the dr that night and told him to please tell me everything again. He did and he said  that the cyst could dissolve and everything turn out alright. I was still losing it inside.  I was not about to have the amnio to test it for certain.  The idea of losing the babies because of the test was too high and I loved these babies no matter what.  I was going weekly to him now and they kept checking for the indicators. His sister made every attempt impossible to get good pictures.


I was so scared. I kept telling God I could handle it and that I knew He would help me take care of Kurt. Tim was keeping it together pretty good, but I could tell there was a sadness that their might not be a little cowboy following him around. He never once said it, but I could feel it. I also knew Tim would handle it just like he does all situations, very black and white. Here's the deal, now this is what we do.
I had lots of scares to the hospital. By 6 months we are going to the dr or hospital 3 times a week. Either for a stress test or sonograms. At 28 weeks my jaw starts hurting and our AC goes out in our house. Two great combos!!! I go stay at my parents house and I start popping Tylenol like it’s candy. I keep telling my mom something is really wrong. Finally, at midnight we head to the hospital and they check the babies and say everything is fine. My dr has to come in the middle of the night and looks at the sonogram and says they're fine Go Home and rest. He leaves and comes back right before I am about to leave and by then the side of my mouth is swollen the size of a watermelon. He tells me never mind I have something going on. I am admitted and it ends up being an abscessed wisdom tooth. While I’m there my fetal diagnostician starts calling for oral surgeons to come help with it. No one will even touch me because of the blood thinners. By the end of the week I am panicking (painfully) because my baby show is the coming Sat. Finally, one dr says she will help out.
Thursday afternoon they prep me to fix the problem. I was not ready for what was about to happen.