February 24, 2011

Part III So Lost

The next morning I go to the hospital and I have a D&C , plus a laparoscopy done for the endometriosis.  I ended up staying until the next day because of the surgery and I think my new dr thought I couldn't handle it yet.  I had/have never felt so much guilt.  I started out questioning God and then I ended up hating myself because I wish I'd been more clear minded when everything started falling apart.  I wish I would have had someone there with me when my old dr said this is what we need to do.  I wanted so badly to be in a car wreck and wake up from a coma or deep sleep and all the pain maybe would be gone when I came to.  I never questioned God after that surgery again why it happened.  I knew why and I would have to find peace in it somehow. A few weeks later I  get a new student in my class that had to be a God sent messenger.  The boy was a mess.  In his 8 years of being on this Earth he had seen more and been through more than I hope I ever have to witness in another student.  He kept my mind preoccupied and I needed it.  I would wake up and go to sleep thinking about this boy and praying for him.  A few months later we find out we are pregnant again.

2 comments:

Aimee from Classified: Mom said...

It is very difficult going through a miscarriage. I have had 2. Keep in mind there are reasons for it- although they seem unfair.
Following you back!

caremikenluisa said...

Friend, I am single and didn't experience how it is with miscarriage. My sister had one, first babies because they were twins. I was there with her husband in the hospital - saw it all, too. I knew it was painful physically and emotionally. But, she got over it and even got pregnant soon after. Now, they have 3 beautiful girls. By the way, my sister and I are teachers, too.

God has a reason. He heals emotional wounds, too. He will you, sis.

Thank you for joining "Write!" and joining our blog hop. Mike and I really hope you will visit us again and follow our blog hops in the near future.

God bless...

Sincerely,
Luisa (with Mike)
"Write!"
http://www.caremikenluisa.blogspot.com